Randomness and as it goes on, also, so it seems, regrets

Posted in Nothing, Random thoughts with tags , , , , , on January 19, 2015 by Stoma

Sometimes, I do feel like writing a lot.

Perhaps start a short story, or even a novel.

However, I always end up realizing that this is a very bad Idea.

Why? You might ask.

The reason is as simple as this; When I start writing, I often use so many elements from my own experience and life, and so little pure fantasy. In many ways, it would reflect me and the people surrounding me more then I like.

Somehow, I guess I would even write some things that is left best unwritten.

This has by no means anything to do about freedom of speech ,which is in the wind these days (I wonder if this sentence will make this page more “popular” and I will find it causes more hits from countries that normally never visit this page) It is just some thoughts and ideas that might hurt people that I love. I’m not a person that takes easy on hurting another one.  I’m pretty sure that I did just that back in 2010, and that, I have regretted for a long time. The truth is that I did not realise what it was until it was to late. Way to late, and it was gone. Gone,Gone. Never to come back. I thought it were other things that were floating around in my head. I did not see. Not even when the shovel hit me, I think at least 4 times that summer. I’m drifting again. Not to worry. No one I know will read this anyway. And if they do, this is not something I mind that they read.

It’s like the song ” My way” – Regrets I got a few – I stop there, because my story is not yet written, so I’m not sure they are to few to mention, as I already mentioned one or four in the previous paragraph.

 

Yes, it is true, as you see. Somehow all my texts must some way, or another,   reflect who I am. It would be strange if it did not. After all, these are all things that in one way or another  has popped in to my brain, and thus, I have  been able to spew them out through my keyboard, and post the words that are fluttering around my mind on this page.

 

Silence

Posted in Life with tags , , , on January 17, 2015 by Stoma

Another year has past.  6 years 4 months. Learned so much, but know so little. Always in the dark. The shadows keeps coming.

What happened? What did she tell you? I do not understand this language. I have never, as far as I know, stepped over the line we drew 3 years ago. Made remarks, sure, but never crossed the line. I don’t know. Did you actually want me to cross the line? Is that what this reaction is about? My behaviour has been more  or less the same all the time. I don’t know. Only you can tell me. I respect you and appreciate what we have, or as it now looks like, used to have 8 months ago. I don’t know what happened. Please enlighten me. Again; I do not Speak silent, in my world I can read all different things in silence. I might be right, I might be wrong. I guess time will show.

Writing

Posted in Life, Random thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2015 by Stoma

I want to write, but my inspiration is all gone.
There is always things I could write about, but some how, it is not the right time for that.
I’m not sure who I’m trying to protect. Perhaps it is my self, and perhaps it is some others.
I recreantly told my friends that there are two promises I have made that I’m going to keep.
The first one I made, I guess, about 8 or 9 years ago, when I promised a friend that I would not hit on his ex girlfriend. It was not a real problem, I was not interested. They both are now (as far as I know) in a healthy relationship.
The second promise I made in January 2012.
I’m not sure if I regret giving that promise or not.
I’m not even sure the one I gave the promise to this day realise I gave my word.
For all I know, the one I gave my word to, might even today think that it was a stupid thing to do, or might be relieved that I did say what I said, and still stand by my word.
The only one who can make me brake this promise, is the person I gave it to.
All that is needed is to say that this promise is no longer necessary to keep.
To be quite honest, there been times where I have not been sure if my word was over due, but there is today no way I can be certain.

Well, I managed to get something down.
Good Night, Sweet Dreams (suddenly I realized that I need some sleep)

Horoscopes 

Posted in Random thoughts on September 30, 2014 by Stoma

Usually I take no notice of horoscopes.

They are just good fun with some coincidences that matches “everybody” .

This time, however, I was shocked when I this September read a magazine horoscope for my summer.

To much was accurate.

It was almost as if someone I knew had been writing it.

It even mentioned a specific year of an event – and the after effects.

I think that was the most shocking of it all…

Finally you came home

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , on August 21, 2014 by Stoma

My dear, my comfort, my advisor, my inspiration, my friend, my critic.

Thank you for all you have been.

Always been there for me.

Never long between the phone calls and visits.

I love you and I miss you.

I’m so proud of you.

I feel there is nothing unsaid.

I just wish you would see me with my dream girl.

I don’t know if the day come when I finally get her.

If I do, I know you would be proud and pleased:)

You fought bravely.

The times were though on us all.

I just wish they had not try to kill you of.

We fought for you, prayed and hoped.

Hoped for a full recovery where you could relax.

My sweet darling, how cruel life can be.

Never knowing what will come.

You looked so peaceful.

They tell me you went quietly, when they nursed you.

Thy’re in agony as well.

We all love you so much.

We know all is well for you now.

But the pain is hard to bare.

All those good memories you left us with.

We’ve had so many years.

I’m eternally grateful for them.

Our disagreements.

Our fights

Our hugs and trips and laughs.

The long conversation of life and death.

Belief, superstition and everything else .

Now today, august 20th 2014, the day after your wedding day, you finally came home and met your dear husband again:)

For us, for me, it’s heart breaking, but I know you’ll be greeted with smile and laughs.

To see all your beloved again.

I know you’ll be watching over us.

I’m sure of it.

Oh, how mourn you.

Thank you again for all you have been for me.

For all your support.

For all the love and caring.

For all your prays.

For everything you have been to me.

Thank you, thank you so much.

I love you, and I will never forget you!

Now you can rest in peace, you lived a full and wonderful life.

We have, and I have many wonderful memories.

Thank you, and one day, I’ll see you again 😀

 

 

 

Just don’t give up..

Posted in Life with tags , , on August 17, 2014 by Stoma

Please don’t give up yet…

 

Be strong

Posted in Life on March 18, 2014 by Stoma

Please just keep fighting…